


Before this is all over

by Rigil_Kentauris



Category: Deus Ex (Video Game 2000)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Writing doodle, you got me monolouging!, you sly dog!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:15:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25316653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rigil_Kentauris/pseuds/Rigil_Kentauris
Summary: Transcript of infolink message from server LD0301 to UNATCO Bedloe agent Anna Navarre, during the events of the fall of UNATCO. Regards potential motivations of subject codename Paul Denton.
Relationships: Paul Denton & Anna Navarre
Kudos: 6





	Before this is all over

**Author's Note:**

> Cherubic/7H clearance recognized. Welcome, [NAME FILE CORRUPTED]! Transcript archived from: _project making sure we don't fuck up 9 and lose our goddamn jobs. again. FUCK YOU PAGE. _For further information on subject LD0301008, please re-access with Cherubic/7W clearance.__

“ _I’m sorry if this seems a little insincere, I’ve had to do this a lot today._

“ _In a little while, they’re going to start telling you things about me. They’re going to tell you I betrayed UNATCO, that I betrayed everything you and I and everyone else swore an oath to. That I abandoned our principles and our fight and everything we held dear. If they think that you ca-_

“ _They’re going to tell the people who_ they _think will still care about me, anyway, that I’ve been corrupted. That I let myself be seduced by anger, by fear and loathing, that I let myself be taken over by weakness-_

“ _They’re going to tell you I was weak. They’re going to tell you I was weak, that I was flawed. They’re going to tell you I was weak and that I’ve always been weak and that I let myself exploited. Used. Turned. They’re- they’re…_

_"…they’re going to tell you all of that, and you’re going to believe them, because they’ve been doing this for a goddamn long time and they’re so, so good at it. You’re going to believe them, and nothing I say can change that, there’s not a goddamn chance I can say anything that could change that, I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to save my own brother, but…_

“ _But there’s some things I need to say to you. Before this is all over. I mean, maybe it’s been over for a while, but before it’s_ really _over. Before there’s no coming back. I need to say it all while we still exist in a time where I know you’ll still hear me. Where I know you_ don’t _believe them, not yet. A time where I know you_ don’t _think I’ve abandoned everything we believed in. A time where I’m not a traitor. Not yet._

“ _You see, I… I’ve always respected you. You, you have this… you’re so_ certain. _Of everything. You’re unshakable, immovable. You’re dedicated, you stand and_ _p_ _ledge your loyalty to this thing, this thing that’s bigger than us and never once did you flinch away from it. Nothing could shake you from your devotion. You have loyalty, in your core and in your_ soul, _maybe, and I,_ _I’ve,_ _I’ve never… I never had that, not even once. I’ve been…_ running, _running my entire life from the murd-_ assassination, _of my parents. I ran from there to UNATCO, from mission to mission, from ideology to ideology while the whole time you stood there staring at me like you were wondering what the hell I thought I was doing._ _L_ _ike you couldn’t fathom why I was wasting energy on it all. And- and- and you were_ right, _it was all so_ fucking _pointless, I_ killed _for them and never looked deeper and never wondered and I-_

“ _But you, you didn’t. You have this way of looking at the world and then_ _committing_ _yourself to it anyway. Looking at everything with open eyes and doing it all the same but the depth of this, of this, of this_ thing _that you have, this_ certainty _. You are certain of what it is you’ve done and are doing and who it is you’re doing it for and it’s because that’s who you are that I know I’m never going to be able to change your mind, not really. Nothing I say can do that, it’s_ me _who’_ _s the_ _swayable_ _one_ _._

“ _I have to tell you all the same,_ _but…_

“ _But I don’t know what to say._

“ _I guess it’s…_ _leaving is_ _as simple for me as staying is for you. I thought what I was doing was right, but it wasn’t, so I changed what I was doing. And I thought what I was doing_ then _was right, but it wasn’t either. And after that, I thought that was good, too, but it was_ _just_ _another fucking fuck-up. My whole life has been…been just this trip of fallacies and constructions and empty fucking actions._

“ _And if I’m being honest…if I’m being really, truly honest_ _with you_ _…Anna, I think this one is a mistake, too. I thought everything else was right and it was wrong, and there’s no reason this is going to be any different._ _None._

“ _But…I respect you…which means I’ve learned to respect myself. This might be the wrong thing, I’m terrified, Anna. It might be the wrong thing but that doesn’t make what I was doing with UNATCO right._

“ _So I guess what I’m trying to say is this._

“ _In a little while, they’re going to tell you a lot of things about me. They probably won’t need to lie to you; it’s probably all going to be true._

“ _But Anna. I know how I feel about you goes both ways. So I’m asking- I’m- I’m_ pleading _with you Anna, for both our sakes._

“ _You’re going to believe them, because that’s who you are and that’s how this goes, but don’t forget who I am, too._

“ _When they tell you I’m a traitor, remember who_ I _am. When they tell you I’m a terrorist, and I’m evil, and corrupt, remember who it is they’re talking about. And when- when they send you after me, and they_ will _send you after me, and you’re looking down the barrel_ _of a rifle_ _and the loyalty inside you is finally forced to make a choice between what you say and what you feel…_

“ _Learn from me, Anna. Like I’ve always tried to learn from you._

“ _And if_ _you pull the trigger all the same…at least pull it on_ me, _and not who they tell you I am…”_


End file.
